How Duran Duran saved my life & Other Stories

I loathe exercise for exercise sake.

Have I mentioned this? I am sure you have noticed...it is not my thing.

Let me tell you a story about my life and Duran Duran.

Duran Duran saved my life.

Now I am sure you are thinking, "Fat Diva? how is that possible? Do you even know them?Met them? How can a 32 year old pop rock band from Birmingham , England have saved your life? Come on now...you're being ridiculous!"


well, dearest reader, maybe I am. ...ridiculous......shit ...we are ALL  ridiculous, so allow me to be so in my own ri-DIC-ulous way...

I discovered the Fab Five in the wee summer days of 1981...and then went to 4-H camp (like you do) and met one of my lifelong besties Ms WhiskeyMarie..and she TOO loved the DD Squared ...so..along with listening to their music, drooling over every Teen Beat,SMASH, Tiger Beat, etc  magazine of them we could get our hands on...oh! and every video, we are obsessed. We even celebrated the guys birthdays together...thousands of hours of dancing to their tunes and we had every intention to someday meet them, they would then fall madly in love with us (me=John Taylor, WhiskeyMarie= Roger, her sister = Nick..and we all wanted Simon too...Andy...Andy is just...Andy...) and then we all get married...yeah...cuz it was TOTALLY possible in our brains...go dreaming! We even convinced our mothers to drive us 3 hours from Northern MN to the Twin Cities to see the Seven And The Ragged Tiger concert at the Roy Wilkins Arena when we were barely freshman in high school...good times those were...(sigh)

At this time in the Fat Diva lifepath, I was starting to go from gawky teen, all legs and these new boobs....having been thin as a rail my whole life thus far...to starting to "fill out" in places, and gain weight as I had grown so fast between 7th & 8th grade..9 inches in 13 months...very painful...very hard as a teenager to deal with the public bullying and mean-ness of children at that age...it was a physical and emotionally tumultuous time...AND ... my parents marriage had also started to fall apart (great timing there, Universe) Hence... my gut reaction was to "keep everything and everyone together by sheer force of will"

so naturally.....food and music... became my dearest confidants.

I would lay in bed at night, listening to my cassette player...my precious Duran Duran albums...memorizing every bass line, every lyric, every synth pad, and drum fill...and often would just get up in the middle of the night as my body vibrated...to dance like a crazy child all over my bedroom..as quietly as I could living upstairs in an old farm house..and imaginaning a glamorus world of being a pop star...how I wanted that so badly.

It was in these nocturnal rampages of the mind and body, that I chose to follow the path of being a musician...somehow.

As I was quietly dealing with the dissolving of my parents relationship, my brothers deepening sadness and anger locking him away from me,preparing for college and "what are you doing with your life?" questions bombarding me from everywhere,staying on honor roll, involved in every extra curricular activity that did not require having a penis, I kept the feeling of my secret plan deep inside and clung to it as my Senior Year approached.

circa 1986: The band was growing apart..like my parents...and I was devastated that I was losing everything. My body was not what I hoped it to be, boys were friends with me, but I was clearly not fuckable..oh!...but my best friends were...."could you set me up with so and so? Sorry you have loved me since 4th grade...not interested".....tragic in a DeGrassi Junior High way, isn't it? (tho truth be told, I was not a sexually motivated teen..I was more about the idealism of romance and what relationships are SUPPOSE to be...according to my Harlequin Romance books and the glossy magazines...sex was too messy and who could even understand where things went and why? Not like kids today...but that is another topic.)

So my self identity and connection to my physical body were eroding at this age. I was active in 3 sports a year, was CONSTANTLY working out in some fashion with volleyball, basketball, and track...yet my body just kept moving to "thicker" and the stamina was not ever "coming to fruition". It was a no win situation of utter hopelessness and grief for me...

WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME? I asked every freekin' day....seriously

I have since learned a LOT about hormonal imbalance ,stress, DNA, etc and it's toll on the meat suit...

There was never a time that  I thought "This is it! I do not want to be here anymore...screw this place, I am out of here" But ...there was a lot of deep sadness.

I remember once, at about 16 years of age...being curled up as best I could be in the front doorway of our house, which is now a closet (lol) and sobbing like a child. My Dad found me and asked what I was crying about...I told him that I was "too tall to live" and everyone called me things like "moose" and "freak" and I just did not want to go back to school (which BTW I was a kid who LOVED school) His response was "well...., we could just cut your legs off...and then it will be resolved." Imagine my hurt shocked teenage face as I said " well, THAT'S ridiculous!" and Dad said.."Exactly" and left me there to think about it...

Go Germanic practicality....blargh

So I started to wear my Duran Duran love like armor. Many friends from high school, or even non friends, all think of me when they hear Duran Duran anything..so they have told me over the years...because my identification with this band was so strong.

They were (and are) mysterious, sensual, sexy, intelligent, talented, deep, glamorous, wild, smart,.... and all of these things were qualities of Being that I wanted to be...so I clung to them for dear life...literally.


I have recently become enamored with Duran Duran's new album "All You Need Is Now". I play it aloud and dance around my loft...which ...for over a decade...I have not danced for joy unless ambushed (see previous post on Sept trip) and I am doing this daily for the length of the album (47 minutes) which in the end...turns out to be a nice workout if I keep moving the entire time as I sing and spin around.

The fuzzy children think I am insane..but I also have realized..I have a shit ton...literal shit ton ...of music I have not listened to in ...FOREVER!...so...if I listen to my entire library ..averaging 45 min  start to finish...I find myself NOT bored...and just moving my body because it is fun...

THIS is an action I can stick with.

Not putting any expectation on this other than joy, movement, and re-acquainting myself with my CD library and getting some ME time..which is rare these days, and needs to become COMMON

yeah..."because it is fun" is a new mantra for me. I have always made fun things happen for me, for others around me, but the last decade or so..I lost that somewhere...so now...(ahem) ."I reclaim thee FUN..you are mine".

so..as I was saying....Duran Duran saved my life once...and now..they are doing it again

...no....the Fat Diva has NOT left the building....

sorry folks, integrating September into my world after returning from Seattle,WA and launching The Idisi's 3rd season took more out of me than I expected.

T'ai-Chi happened...loved it, but my back did not..so I have been S...L...O...W...L...Y... reintroducing body therapies back into my routine.

It took me many weeks of suffering before I caved and surrendered to the fact that I have a body that has to be massaged, poked, rubbed, prodded, and stretched in order to unravel all the damage from this life, and the impressions of my perceived realities of over-soul/past life stuff.

so...I finally gave in a few weeks ago. My fascia is CRABBY...it should not actually "crunch"..which it is doing....for real...crunchy...(shudder)

And...it MIGHT be that the "fallen arches" damage is false, and it is largely that my arches are that cramped ALL the time...so...we are working on unraveling...starting being the key word.

oy

so...I am here...and working on my body quietly and working hard not to rip the faces off of those around me as I process a lot of nerve and structural pain....

coming soon...let's talk about Emotional Release.....

super fun...

Be well and surrender more often...you will thank me for it.

well, that was unexpected....

Just returned from my first journey to the Pacific Northwest. (yes there will be many more)

I was blessed to be in Seattle, WA for a workshop intensive centered around the healing power of Sound.

Had the itinerary bespoke of the fact that  we would be dancing in a ballroom 4-5 times daily with 550 strangers from 20 countries and the continent of North America...I would have balked and said "screw that!"

but...I did NOT know (clever bastards) and so there I was...being offered the opportunity to break and smash through lots of "story" I have around others talking nasty about me when I shake my Fat Diva ass.

I even had more stamina than some of the "skinny" folks...and a woman wrote a song about me dancing called "Angelwings" ..because she could not move much and was able to feel the joy of movement through watching me dance...awww...

who knew?

so now...i really have ZIPPO platform for argument about dancing in public...although I am not feeling a journey to Ground Zero or First Ave anytime soon...but it is still progress...and I am proud of my taking it on.

My legs hurt, but in a good way.

Meditation and altered states of consciousness for 4-5 hours a day was INTENSE and filled with lots of stuff for me to make choices about.

Life path wise...things will be shifting...but all in all the journey was epic by all descriptions and I walked away enriched, supported, and assured that I am on my Path.

so...to summarize

more Movement
more Meditation
more Me

Movement for Movement's Sake..and other Tales of Me..

So my post-con world went a bit on the hermit-y side so been doing a lot of "in my head" work..some good, some stagnant, some not good...but all in all...my many selves had a meeting and we have all concluded :

We need an effective, interesting, fun movement plan...stat!

I am excited to say that joining the neighborhood T'ai -Chi Chuan studio is the winner.

http://tctaichi.org/

Despite being the lovely place that The Idisi recorded our "chanty-WHOO-ha" (www.theidisi.com) debut album in over 2011 Easter weekend, it is just down the street from me...(convenient) and my pal Dwarven Queen is going to join me..anyone else interested in hooking up with us?...we are starting after I return from sound healing training in Seattle post Labor Day

Sufi Ray is a wonderful person and dear friend and supporter of all things Fat Diva, as is the organization at large...(smirk) and the studio is gorgeous.

I am discovering this balance being lost issue due to fallen arches is deeper than I first realized and in getting back to teaching and doing staged combat late this coming Fall..I need a lot of work..and some epic mindset peace needs to be achieved  to accomplish what I see coming for Fat Diva in the next cycle.

Also...along with the guidance of Dwarven Queen...who is a long time 20+ year Polynesian dancer.(who knew?)....I am more determined to learn Hula in the next year than ever..and for that..my knees are wanting help first...so yeah...movement for movement's sake is what I am focusing on as opposed to "exercise" for it is a word I hate...seriously hate...and yes.."hate" is a strong term and thus I use it for this.

so we now use the term "Movement"

I am also digging deeper into my emotional attachment to food...or more recently discovered DE-tachment to food.

I am investigating the book and philosophy of Health At Every Size by Linda Bacon. I think it will be something I vibe well with. Have a few other Divas I know checking it out too who brought my attention to it.

http://www.amazon.com/Health-At-Every-Size-Surprising/dp/1935618253/ref=lh_ni_t

(and yes..that her last name is Bacon is hilarious to me..Bacon Queen..it OBVIOUSLY was a sign from Goddess to check it out)

So..there is my long last update...working more on the dancing for movement's sake as well. Thank you all for such lovely words, comments, and personal emails about your feelings about my dancing. It helped me..... a lot. Over time, hopefully now shorter because of this internal work...I will be out shaking tail like I used to.

Much love and remember ....you are awesome

Fat Diva

yay for psychic friends network skillz....

A Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating customer who moved back to Michigan 1 yr ago stopped by today. 

She has lost over 100 lbs, her son is getting married this weekend, and she wanted to see me and thank me for the encouragement I provided for her all through her process and beyond. 

What is spooky fun? I JUST thought of her on Tuesday and wondered how she was.

 Life can be tre' cool.

 She looks amazing, did before the weight loss too...but her own self-love coming off her was brighter and she was clearly feeling her mojo.

this Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating product  is such a great tool for people

I never go to "work" even when the store is 104 degrees and think..."I hate this job"

ok...so it is beyond hot...so forgive the absence...i am coming back online shortly

here is a recent bio i was asked to write for a website and radio show I will be on tomorrow at The Edge online

http://edgemagazine.net/edge-talk-radio/

I am on during the latter part of the show...so tune in from 6pm-7pm on Tues July 19th.


It is a show about spiritual paths and I will be discussing my journey and my womyn's chorus, The Idisi  (www.theidisi.com) as well as health and wellness.

Bio:
Dayna Jean Wolter is a womyn of vast and diverse brain cells...all which have driven her quite mad with information gathering antics and assignments. She jokingly refers to herself as the Cliff Claven of The Universe.

Dayna Jean stepped onto the stage at the precocious age of 4 by singing at her family's Wisconsin resort, and has been driven by the need to sing for millions ever since.

After grappling with the adverse and insidious programming that humans are subject to by modern media here in the Western World , she has embraced her Diva-Nature and taken her rightful place as a warrior, artist, teacher, healer, messenger, oracle, sonic priestess, and spiritual ass-kicker for the Divine Feminine and it's emergence in reclaiming Her place in this, the 5th World.

Dayna Jean is the founder and director of The Idisi, a chorus of wyld womyn who are charged with freeing womyn's voices to sing and heal , and inspiring womyn of the world to come back to the Circle and unite our energies to heal the World. www.theidisi.com .

She is also owner of Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating of Minneapolis and owns Valkyrie Design Studio in St Paul, MN.

Her blog, Fat Diva In Motion was recently launched to assist her and others in making sense out of the madness of the irrational the pursuit of being Skinny...http://fatdivainmotion.blogspot.com/

Dayna Jean can often be found running wyld in the woods on spiritual pilgrimage with her chicas, and talking with her crow brothers and sisters...who love cheese, bacon, and pie as much as she does....but not necessarily in that order.

keeping a promise...

so in the Summer Solstice shows that I did with The Idisi in June..I made a promise to dance in public at CONvergence 2011.

did not happen as I thought it would.

i figured I would go top the Retro Dance on Thursday, dance a bit in the dark with hundreds of other geeks..and then be done..

but nooooo.

I did it on Mainstage while singing with my dearheart friend Lojo Russo....and it was lovely

no one stoned me

actually was told how beautiful it was to see me dance as the music moved through my body

so ....basically..this shit is all in  my head..and i need to just get over it.

hrrrmmm

promise kept ...promise fulfilled

crackity-crack

so it has been over a week now since my back and such went ka-blewy...and this is getting tiresome..literally

I know that this back out business usually takes me about 2 weeks to kink out of...but with the crazy schedule upon me...i surrender i think...wavy wavy of the white flag

sorry in advance if you are on the receiving end of a tongue lash about nothing when in my presence..the nerve pain and lack of sleep is making my edges extreme and i am getting some massage work done soon...cuz this is no longer tolerable.

oy

thanks for the support thru the whiny facts.

+++++hot++++++

i loathe the heat.

a person can only get so naked

here is a letter to my body today:

"Dear lower back and right hip, I wish you loved me more and hurt me less. If  I could, I would break up with you today, but it is too fraking hot for me to get up the energy to call you, or write a Dear John letter. So...screw you from the current location I am melting from...Regards, Fat Diva. P.S..your timing sucks and I am removing you from my friends list"

the end

well...what a surprise

so...last summer....I was able ~by sheer magic mind you~ to convince 4 of my gal pals to do a HUGE EPIC costume build project for our sci-fi con we are all involved in every July 4th weekend.

and I do NOT exaggerate when I say it is an EPIC undertaking....

E.P.I.C.

Part of  these costumes include corsetry...which all of us are familiar with due to various years working Renaissance festivals etc.

However, different period of corset than we all have, so new custom corsets being built...so we measured for them...oh...probably 3-4 months ago...so it came time this past Friday to strap me in and make my custom duct-tape bodice pattern...and low and behold

my corset is freakin HUGE on me.

Now...this is largely due to us not measuring better when we did it...and ..based on my measurements I recorded pre-blog launch...! have lost 4 inches in my waist

Empress gave me crap because I just could not accept I had moved some weight around and lost some inches...and was saying how interesting it was that I was unable to accept I had lost some inches, as I was protesting greatly.


i found this curious and need to take a look at that.

so..yay..yeah me..i guess..hmmmm

Ok...so ..one more thing...ok Goddess..you're the boss of Me

so i really miss staged combat work..i might have mentioned that earlier

now I seem to have been told to assist my moving my body issue by inviting all my female friends and strangers to join me at Kamp Athena, Mystery School for Womyn.

ok Goddess..like I said..you're the Boss of Me

so...

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kamp-Athena/174374759285246

Now I need to focus on curriculum for the first intensive..which will be late July 2011. 24 solid hours over 2.5 days of hard core battle arts training and a splash of philosophy, theater art, vocalizing, movement and screaming techniques.

nice

now...where did i put all my weapons...?

4 out of 5 doctors recommend....

i would never recommend the stomach flu as a tried and true weight loss plan....

sorry peeps...flu bug slammed into me like a roller derby girl and took me out for a large part of this last week...so...after i sweep up all the plateware that crashed while I was handed my ass on a Universal Look At Your Crap Literally platter...I will be ever more vigilant and bloggy for y'alls voyeuristic and supportive pleasures.

love to ya all and make sure your immune systems is uber boosted..and  watch out for those derby girrls...they pack a whollop..bitches.

(shouts derby grrls "love you!")

yay Sun...

even though I am not a Sun baby...glad to see it lately.

Went through my cupboards and started pitching stuff this last week. Found some things and made some soup to freeze...I am discovering some interesting habits I inherited from my Mother...

I never thought... as a kid growing up on the farm... much about not having food in the house. We always had canned goods, both purchased and homemade. We had many freezers full of the animals we raised, and never was I want for anything if I wanted to bake, or make dinner for the family.

I noticed... as my Mother is now retired, that she has 8x the amount of food in the house than she needs being the only one at home usually..though the kids are over a lot and my Bro and Sis in law are over as well...but not to this extent.

I realized that Mom was always making sure there was "troubled times" stock in the pantry..and she was very frugal with how she stored and stocked everything...as my Dad worked in the construction trade and when times were lean..they were lean...but we always had food on hand no matter what. Then when she started working at the mill on swing shift...it was a timing issue until I started to drive and could shop for us instead of her.

and I took to grocery shopping like this for years, til I bought Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating in 2005 and stopped grocery shopping much...and in the last 18 months, I have noticed that if I do not have food in the house.... I FREAK OUT!

MAJOR anxiety trigger...curious response

Not having a car or license means getting to the store is a pain in the ass, so I rarely go until I am out of cat food or TP...lol

and as I toss out expired canned goods (yes i know they are not really expired...but beans from 2003...really?) I see how much influence my growing up effects the state of mind I have about food...it was especially acute this winter...because the winter lasted FOR- ever....so yeah...need to do some energetic clearing on the storage of pantry food stuff being something to make me feel safe.

Though the world is rapidly moving in a direction that says that is not a bad habit to have...*sigh

it's official...

i have reached a breaking point about the crappy weather.

blargh

I did better this past weekend out of town on The Idisi retreat in food wise area than I thought I would. Used my SSHE for a good portion of it...then there was the infamous Cheese Hangover incident...but it was worth it...figs and all.

I was made abundantly aware of the need for me to move my body as I was climbing a steep hill and decending to get to the lakeshore. Grant it, it rained all weekend and I was not prepared for the climb shoe wise...but still..it was a tough navigation that would ahve been easier with less Diva ass and belly.

I did it..but it was awkward.

And since Camp Xena starts in late July....i have my work cut out for me..

here's to May being far better than April.

blech

I have decied that April is never a good month for me.

I care for it not one bit.

this last week was chock full of challenges, many of which i failed at. so...how do I conquer this?

Hope that May is a far better month?

When did juggling the plates spinning of my life get so much harder?

geez

the winter that never ends..

I know I am supported by many upper Midwesterners when I say..."Spring! WTF are you?"

I am itching to get outside. The walking dvd is fine, but outside is a bit better.

Watched a very inspirational dance thing last night, The LXD: Legion of Extraordinary Dancer Season 1

AMAZING! I am a closet dance flick lover, well..not so closet...but it is a sweet indulgence of mine. Next lifetime I get to be a b-girl, damn it...hot bod and all.

inspired me to dance in my loft last night cuz no one was watching..it felt great.

So Anonymous asked me how I was doing here as we reach April 21st.

I am struggling, but determined. There were days the last weeks, where the pressures of my life were difficult to navigate emotionally, and as I am looking frankly at my motivations for what I put in my mouth, and if I would exercise. I see where more pitfalls are then I was aware of before..so...  that is progress. I will take that as a win!

And I see how I manipulate myself..I can justify just about anything..lol

So each time I make a choice, I am striving to be more CONSCIOUSLY choosing as opposed to UN...like asking myself the following questions

Q: "am I doing this behavior because I seriously NEED to have this , or am I being habitual?" (huge revelation there)
Q: " Am I choosing this because I think it will make me feel better in the moment, and/or does it adversely effect the long term ME?"
Q: " Is my uterus driving this choice? If so, give it what it wants and back up slowly...and for the love of Goddess, do NOT make eye contact with it"

All these are new habits I am creating. And all will beat out into a new way of things..... with time.

If you are looking for numbers, I am not dealing with those for the first 60 days because they are never indicative of anything other than de-toxing and not what my goal is.

I appreciate everyone's support.

This fight is a mental fight...

"free my mind and the body will follow."..just like L.A.Story says..lol

thanks all..working on blogging at least every other day ...so far so good.

not sure..

hey there...

coming off a stressful and not so successful food issue weekend..here it is Monday and for the last 3 hrs I have been struggling to keep my eyes open. keep falling asleep here at my store..crazy.

usually when I get like this..it is because there are incoming messages from the Big Head...so that is kinda interesting.

been working on my taxes...blargh...still working on them

made much better food choices today. that helps. and since i plan to sleep as soon as I get home..that helps that as well.

this week looks to be harder as I am working over 50 hrs and counting and ave little down time. So i have to plan food very carefully or it will wreck me

i am longing for my blog to get wittier and snappy-er but it is not in the cards til after this month is over..so sorry about that

i feel like I am a Michael Crichton novel

" we traveled 20 miles by camel today. i ate one date. i slept"

lol...jeez

bloggity blog blog

i tried to post a lovely blog about my lunch the other day.

it was about radishes.
but the interwebs ate it....like i did the radishes.

there is poetry in there somewhere...

maybe it is because no one would have really cared about my lunch.

As I look at the calendar, it has been 14 days into my journey and I have learned that I can actually do this if I take it one day at a time...which is something I have never been great at.

I am usually a Past/Future type person..not really a NOW kinda girl.

This weekend I am adding my Motion part of the plan into the mix. I hoped to add it sooner, and thanks to my WhiskeyMarie, I have a cleaner loft to function in...so walking DVD is a go come Saturday.

The plan is moving the bod 3x a week for half hr to start.

I am excited because..in the future..I look forward to getting my swordfighting back in my life. Miss it terribly. TERRIBLY.

Some of my chicas an I are starting a Xena WP Camp in late July..so I have to have MUCH more stamina for that to happen successfully. it will be a blast tho. I can not wait to drill drill drill...

I have conquered at least 2/3 of my Tech War...so look for me to be blogging at least every other day.

Thanks for checking in on me and for your encouraging words. It helps me stay focused.

Have a great day and be strong.
Fat Diva

yay to Mercury in Retrograde...

So...have not been able to blog as much as I wanted ...largely due to the Tech War I am engaged in.

But, now I have a newer computer for the jobby job, and I spanky new to me laptop in which I have now impressed myself upon...so...the Tech War is hopefully whimpering out to a scuffle.

yay friends and their wonderfulness!

 So..despite the stress in that area, I ahve been doing better in self moderation than expected with the food not available this week as I planned. I had a bit left over from the previous week so I went through that...for which Merc Retro is a good thing ..going through your stuff and using it, or getting rid of it..aside from the communication snafus and tech issues that can arise.

all in all..Mercury is our friend, illuminating that which needs to be dealt with....

 i just do not have to like him very much while he's doing it....right?

  keeping the Faith,
Fat Diva

Obstacles...blargh

Day 2 recap: April 2 was not a hard day, i even went grocery shopping hungry and got only what I needed...go me. Nothing much else other than did my measurements, which I do not have here with me, and tried to clean out some clutter in the cupboards.

Day 3- For those who do not know, I have suffered from migraines since I was 17. And as we are n a Solar Maximum (Solar Cycle 24 for those who are paying attention) we had some CME bounce off the planet, triggering a nasty migraine for me, and a 6.7 earthquake for Indonesia...yay...so I was in bed all of Day 3 and today, I am not right in the head.

Day 4 con't : Also..the most common obstacle to my healthy eating arose today in that I had to sell my SSHE food to a customer who ordered later than Thursday via the website, and our corp office was SOLD OUT as of Saturday...so I got screwed.

It is when I am starved out of my mind that I become Bad Choices Bitch.

Thus...I am crabby.

And so it begins....

Ok..so...I have a sort of mad plan...it may not be my best laid plan...but here we go

I am glad of my connection to Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating because that makes a bunch of this next 90 days a WHOLE lot easier. www.seattlesutton.com

SO ..the dealio for the first 30 days is to stick as close to the SSHE 1200 plan with supplementing extra protein and all the fresh raw fruit and veggie I can handle. Enter my new Greek Yogurt addiction, my vitamins and meal replacement supplement for the enzyme and probotics part of the deal..but that aspect enters after first 30 days. So all in all shooting for 1550 calories per day average.

staying away from all things processed food I can...FIE ON YOU EVIL VENDING MACHINE IN THE BREAKROOM!!!!...and yes I am talking to YOU Keebler Strawberry Sugar Wafers...you and your artifically flavored fat-tastic laden goodness will just have to piss off for a long while...bastards..

where was I ...oh...and waterwaterwater...as I know the chronic dehydration has set in again after the winter. Was this the hardest winter known to Modern man? I think it was...blargh

The MOTION part of my adventure is my new walking dvd, and i am shooting for that 3x a week for half an hour. anything on top of that is bonus movement.

The next post will include stupid numbers like my weight, measurements as I told myself I had to throw it all out there as ugly as it could be...but I truly can not a wit, true be told dear reader, WHAT the numbers are..just that they change....for the better.

so...i am off to sleepyland...and tomorrow night Puddin will be over to help me purge the house a bit and get the space ready for the motion part of the plan..

go me!.

So let's ride this ride...

so...as I am girding my loins to launch this here bloggy-blog-blog onto the World...I am working on some things in my head to make sure I am prepping myself for success.

A dear friend asked me the other night, "what happens if you find no one reads your words or responds to your blogs? have you thought about how you are going to deal with that?"

super excellent question.

Mainly...this journey is for me.... but..as I have learned in my musical/ performing/theater life...one never knows who is watching ...and you influence everything around you...just as everything around you influences you.

so I am at peace with just prostrating my naked soul out here in the lovely Interwebs...and what ever happens ..happens.


it is all about the path and taking it one step at a time....which I currently suck at, btw.

If wishes were horses....

seriously...

I often dream..not when I am sleeping,mind you..but when I am awake-dreaming...that I will FINALLY find that super hidden zipper, and zip my sexy tight hot but hidden-in-plain-sight ass out of this fat-suit

today was one of those days

and the stupid thing is..there is no spoon so I SO could if I just believed it more.

*sigh*

Testing..1 2 3....

So been doing a test run of sorts...working kinks out of this thing before the start day...

LJ users seem to be having a problem posting in that persona...not sure how to fix that...

Doing well in eating my Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating meals for breakfast and lunch...dinner is a challenge with my INSANE schedule..so have a week and a half to get that kink solved.

Also..after this weekend, I am dry running (read as walking in place) my new walking workout dvd...Thanks again BohoStar for that lead.

.all in all...the check list is getting smaller.

Now..blogging everyday...that I have to figure out as well.

lots to do yet to be ready.

thanks for checking in and your words of encouragement

They say if is scares the piss out of you...then you are suppose to do it...right?

...but then I ask..." Who the hell are THEY?"

So welcome to my scary new adventure.

Scary for me at least. MAYBE scary for you, dearest reader, but I can assure you...if you keep your hands in the air and scream along with me...it will ..in the end...be something worth remembering.

So...what we have here is a Fat Diva (me) looking to harness the power of the peoples (you) to assist her in keeping her word to herself.

Now..I will share many words with you on this here little bloggy-blog...some fun, some nasty, some whiny, some inspirational, some insightful, some mean, some crazy, some loving , some crazy..did I mention the crazy?All in all...lots of words. The most important being that I keep my promise to myself to be here everyday, talking about my process, begging for prayers, help, a witness to the journey I am about to engage in....this journey to transform my fat-ness into my Self-Loveness.


There...I said it. Transform the fat-ness....

I am freaking out.

It begins April 1st, 2011.

I hope I see y'all here...though I am at peace with sitting here and talking to myself....but ya' know...with peeps is better.

(holds up virtual champagne bottle...and yes it is the expensive kind..duh!) <SMACK!boooossshhhhdripdripdrip>

" I christen thee bloggy-blog...Fat Diva In Motion!!  Let the Fat-Transforming begin!!!"