Monday, August 8, 2016

Hey there peeps,

I am doing a thing...Over on the Facebook's...please come be a member in sacred dance space and pick up the challenge for your Self Love, Joy and Healing...I triple dog dare you....

Fat Diva Dance Challenge 2016

Description :

Fat Diva challenges you to dance every day on film for 1 min and triple dares you to share it here. Be happy, shake your asses, heal yourself, and heal our fantastic minute at a time...

as inspired by the page "Danse avec moi, une minute par jour's" by Christine in Quebec

Note-This is a CLOSED group so we can create and manage SACRED and LOVING Space for members to have support in overcoming body hatred and healing from trauma and Life experiences. 

This space is intended for ZERO judgement .... Haters will be transmuted....

Monday, July 6, 2015

Naked Hammer Time....this is bad ass...

as a former shot putter and a State qualyfying discus thrower...this is inspiring me to refocus on my body...


click here for bad ass naked fat chica

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Let's Talk About Painted Vaginas

Did I get you with the cleverly worded title ? Yes? No?

Wait! Don't leave yet!  I promise ...I DO talk about vaginas..and painted ones.. eventually...but first...

Let's talk about The Intentional Creativity Movement.

I was blessed to discover the revolutionary work and art of Shiloh Sophia McCloud in early December of 2012. It was so incredibly surreal to me, I actually FELT the Universe leading me there by the heart strings..and plugging me into something I am to be involved with next. Not only was her work gorgeous, and Divine Feminine based...but it was in joyous alignment with the work I was doing in my tribal circles with the power of Sound/Sonics and teaching the womens' to open their pie-holes and sing ...

(How to find out more about Shiloh Sophia McCloud-Lewis and the Cosmic Cowgirls:)
Shiloh's Work
Cosmic Cowgirls info

Flashback December was this amazing access to this amazing work. I was signed up to start doing something I have been TERRIFIED of doing most of my life, (which was painting)...and I was all ready with my canvases, paints, brushes etc...and then I lost my dear soul brother Adam less than 3 weeks later....and the devastation was beyond epic.

I tried..I tried to use the creative process to aid me in staying afloat in the tsunami of grief and so close on the heels of losing my father less than 11 months before that..

In theory ,  it would help me right? IN theory and IN fact...articles upon articles of proof that the creative process is beyond healing, and useful to recover from a plethora of ailments of the body, mind and spirit...for fuck sake... I TEACH this shit ...but I could not jack into it to help me ...WTHell?

Part of my year long absence was tied up in this quandary. And in entire world started to shut mind, my physical body, my if I was chasing my soul around trying to keep it in the air like a slowly deflating balloon...and in the end..about October of  2013...I had to call it and stop everything creative and otherwise in my life...or I knew I would not be here very long...because things had to drastically shift...

So after an 18 month period of denial and just existing ..barely.. lots of numbness and doing  'next to nothing" which for me is bizarre and not normal...I slowly started to crawl back to the creative side of myself...but in very, very small pieces...

In working toward studying the Color of Woman Technique with Maestra Shiloh Sophia,  I am currently enrolled in her The Red Madonna series where we "slow paint" one piece over the course of the Lunar year. I started this journey with smaller classes like The Mary Magdalene and Visionary Woman...but this current course is  a very deep shamanic and spiritual journey where I am challenged to ask myself questions like "What is my story I am telling myself about WHO I am ?"

Deep stuff..

And it all ties into the Self Love and Self Worth factors that my physical body is unraveling . I can not express the importance of doing this work being vital to my very ability to draw breath..and it has been very very potent and sometimes arresting in its intensity...when I just have to lie down on the ground and be fetal for a while as I process the digging around and releasing of ME.

And the hardest part is that is takes as long as it takes. It IS what it IS and there is no making it "''GO faster and happen less just IS" ...and that is a state most humans avoid with every atom of their Being because it is terrifying..

... we paint lots of vaginas ..or portals... from the Cosmic Mother to get ourselves prepped for the process of painting with the breath of The Divine running through us..and i super suck at it right now.. which is new for me in a creative I usually pick up on stuff fast..but this painting thing... S L O W to learn, but I am obsessed with becoming more than GOOD at it eventually..

So the slow crawl toward the Me that IS has begun and I am working with a wonderful nutritional therapist to help me with the physical and energetic body stuff.... hard doings, but each time we work on the issues is one baby step closer to healing myself.

This is most likely the hardest work I have ever had to do, and I have done some pretty hard stuff in my 45 years... but this is the most important...for sure.

so that is an update of sorts. I will post some progress pics of paintings as we get going on them..

it is all about the growth...right?....

Monday, February 9, 2015

Fat Diva is Alive. Film at 11

Truly..I am still here...though there have been some very close calls.... I can not BELIEVE it has been nearly a year since I last posted...literally one day short of....



So so so much to tell...and I am committing to making it here minimum once per week so I can get back on track with the blogger world as I build up that thing.

So looking forward to sharing with you, already know EVERYTHING....don't you?

Monday, February 10, 2014

Living in the Molasses Swamp...just south of the GumDrop Mountains

 Burnout teaches you what it takes to be splendidly human, wondrously creative, and intrinsically you
~ Leonie Dawson

Hello there, dearest ones.....Fat Diva here.. working through the piles of pain and anguish to look up, weakly smile, and let the world know I am endeavoring to persevere...I would stake a flag in every millimeter of ground had I the strength to do so...

We are dealing with a complex health to the mix...thyroid are not at all surprised...recent conversations with the Mamma about childhood-ness helped clue us into some work to be done there..oy...very very complicated to unravel.

So far we are looking at a layered cake effect of Body Sadness :

Acute Insomnia ( for over 3.5 months now)
Adrenal Fatigue
Leaky Gut Syndrome
Thyroid (not sure if hypo or hyper at this point)
Pagophagia (iron anemia that leads to obsessive ice chewing...I know...weird...and bad for teeth..which are also sad)
Restless Leg
Acute menses cramps (though regular last 8 months for first time since 8th
Depression ( I know.... you are shocked)

Oddly, and thankfully, my chronic migraines have been fewer the last few months

I am in the process of some hair analysis being done and some bloodwork tests to get the factoids together so we can figure out a nutritional and supplemental plan. Thank Goddess for the interwebs and the research that can be done, despite having to wade through tons of not true is something we are blessed to have access to.

The question of which crisis to attack first is what we wait for..I have been stabbing around, thinking I knew which way to go, but the persistent and rude companion of Insomnia is starting to make my brain far less rational...and the id/ego- monsters roaming unchecked in the Inter -Realms of the Fat Diva are queuing and rumors are ...they are looking to unionize.

So we fight them off hourly and hope the abundance angels are able to heed our prayers for energy tools so we can choose wisely and execute wiser plans of recovery better..

I am thankful for the support circles I have, we are keeping each other on the road..though sometimes the vehicles are careening too near the edge....

In the mean time, much self reflection, reconstructing of neuro-pathways, oodles of kitty snuggles, ignoring of domestics, and lots of bone broth, ginger tea, and continuing to decrease the sugar, gluten and dairy input...and we sleep when we can and just work at being gentle with the Self...that is a shattered creature that we are hoping the bits of brightly colored threads woven to and fro...with lots of glitter to cover up the mushy parts... will suffice.

May you find more Self Love in your day than ever...we all need it to thrive.

Fat Diva

Monday, November 4, 2013

Dross, Dross and more Dross

Hey dear readers...jsut a short blurb of Fat Diva's shenanegains...

I am in acute adrenal fatigue...

yep...... I figured out why I have been so least part of it...also need to give up gluten...which sucks, but have done it before...but is a process on its I am sleeping...alot

alot alot alot

 I am using the energy of this Mercury Retrograde in my Sun Sign of Scorpio to look at patterns, jettison lots of dross...did  I mention alot?

like epic shit tons of alot...epic epic epic...

so I will come up for air here and there, but know I am am kicking the stuff out that does not work..and I expect a few pounds will release as well..becasue we all know.. our emotional and mental body feeds our physical one..and all layers need a serious enema or cosmic colonic

how about you? if you do not deal with it will literally kill you..and I love you don't die...ok?

check it out..

Cosmic Path website

later peeps...get it done

Fat Diva

Friday, October 18, 2013

A Deep Field

There are so many times in my day, that I struggle to push through such dross of ennui and bullshit I have built up around is hard sometimes just trying to remember to breathe...

We all do this..our inner mind chatter is the most icky Gumdrop Swamp to overcome...we fight it.... every second....of every hour....etc.etc...

Lately..I have been suffering from acute insomnia...and have figured out I am in a state of adrenal fatigue.

It's my own fault and not asking for sympathy or anything..I have made the mess, now I am cleaning it up...but as I have been up late, I have been looking at the stars a lot.

Growing up on a farm in Northern MN, I spent an enormous amount of time gazing at the stars...and in moving to the city, there is not nearly enough sky to look at with the city lights pollution obscuring it ..

 I am reminded these late nights ...that the world we make for ourselves so, so small. We THINK that our world (s) are these big creations of epic-ness that contain the sum of all our parts..our hopes, dreams, passions, families, loves, hates, struggles, failures...and fears... mostly...lots of fears.

Many times I find myself stopping from thinking  'bigger"..and trust me ...I am a BIG BIG BIG picture person...and I wonder why I do that..... aside from being afraid.

I have written in the past about how tired I am of keeping myself smaller so others are more comfortable, and yet it is not so easy to own my "bigness"...I am working on it.. this is very deep deep work because it means taking myself down to the nub and rebuilding ...becoming  WHO I am as opposed to who I THINK I am...and that is a long transformational journey.

These it is harder to stay in the deep work...I am looking at the stars I remind myself that the 'bigness" is out there..and that the crazy things like this photo that the Hubble telescope a TINY quantum fraction of the night sky...and contains thousands of GALAXIES with in that sliver of sky...and that regardless of the fears I am facing in mastering my Epicness...that there is more than enough room in the vast cosmos to hold space for me to be as BIG as I can imagine....

so...hey..... look up at's all out there for you......and remember....that we are all made of stars....

Fat Diva