blech

I have decied that April is never a good month for me.

I care for it not one bit.

this last week was chock full of challenges, many of which i failed at. so...how do I conquer this?

Hope that May is a far better month?

When did juggling the plates spinning of my life get so much harder?

geez

the winter that never ends..

I know I am supported by many upper Midwesterners when I say..."Spring! WTF are you?"

I am itching to get outside. The walking dvd is fine, but outside is a bit better.

Watched a very inspirational dance thing last night, The LXD: Legion of Extraordinary Dancer Season 1

AMAZING! I am a closet dance flick lover, well..not so closet...but it is a sweet indulgence of mine. Next lifetime I get to be a b-girl, damn it...hot bod and all.

inspired me to dance in my loft last night cuz no one was watching..it felt great.

So Anonymous asked me how I was doing here as we reach April 21st.

I am struggling, but determined. There were days the last weeks, where the pressures of my life were difficult to navigate emotionally, and as I am looking frankly at my motivations for what I put in my mouth, and if I would exercise. I see where more pitfalls are then I was aware of before..so...  that is progress. I will take that as a win!

And I see how I manipulate myself..I can justify just about anything..lol

So each time I make a choice, I am striving to be more CONSCIOUSLY choosing as opposed to UN...like asking myself the following questions

Q: "am I doing this behavior because I seriously NEED to have this , or am I being habitual?" (huge revelation there)
Q: " Am I choosing this because I think it will make me feel better in the moment, and/or does it adversely effect the long term ME?"
Q: " Is my uterus driving this choice? If so, give it what it wants and back up slowly...and for the love of Goddess, do NOT make eye contact with it"

All these are new habits I am creating. And all will beat out into a new way of things..... with time.

If you are looking for numbers, I am not dealing with those for the first 60 days because they are never indicative of anything other than de-toxing and not what my goal is.

I appreciate everyone's support.

This fight is a mental fight...

"free my mind and the body will follow."..just like L.A.Story says..lol

thanks all..working on blogging at least every other day ...so far so good.

not sure..

hey there...

coming off a stressful and not so successful food issue weekend..here it is Monday and for the last 3 hrs I have been struggling to keep my eyes open. keep falling asleep here at my store..crazy.

usually when I get like this..it is because there are incoming messages from the Big Head...so that is kinda interesting.

been working on my taxes...blargh...still working on them

made much better food choices today. that helps. and since i plan to sleep as soon as I get home..that helps that as well.

this week looks to be harder as I am working over 50 hrs and counting and ave little down time. So i have to plan food very carefully or it will wreck me

i am longing for my blog to get wittier and snappy-er but it is not in the cards til after this month is over..so sorry about that

i feel like I am a Michael Crichton novel

" we traveled 20 miles by camel today. i ate one date. i slept"

lol...jeez

bloggity blog blog

i tried to post a lovely blog about my lunch the other day.

it was about radishes.
but the interwebs ate it....like i did the radishes.

there is poetry in there somewhere...

maybe it is because no one would have really cared about my lunch.

As I look at the calendar, it has been 14 days into my journey and I have learned that I can actually do this if I take it one day at a time...which is something I have never been great at.

I am usually a Past/Future type person..not really a NOW kinda girl.

This weekend I am adding my Motion part of the plan into the mix. I hoped to add it sooner, and thanks to my WhiskeyMarie, I have a cleaner loft to function in...so walking DVD is a go come Saturday.

The plan is moving the bod 3x a week for half hr to start.

I am excited because..in the future..I look forward to getting my swordfighting back in my life. Miss it terribly. TERRIBLY.

Some of my chicas an I are starting a Xena WP Camp in late July..so I have to have MUCH more stamina for that to happen successfully. it will be a blast tho. I can not wait to drill drill drill...

I have conquered at least 2/3 of my Tech War...so look for me to be blogging at least every other day.

Thanks for checking in on me and for your encouraging words. It helps me stay focused.

Have a great day and be strong.
Fat Diva

yay to Mercury in Retrograde...

So...have not been able to blog as much as I wanted ...largely due to the Tech War I am engaged in.

But, now I have a newer computer for the jobby job, and I spanky new to me laptop in which I have now impressed myself upon...so...the Tech War is hopefully whimpering out to a scuffle.

yay friends and their wonderfulness!

 So..despite the stress in that area, I ahve been doing better in self moderation than expected with the food not available this week as I planned. I had a bit left over from the previous week so I went through that...for which Merc Retro is a good thing ..going through your stuff and using it, or getting rid of it..aside from the communication snafus and tech issues that can arise.

all in all..Mercury is our friend, illuminating that which needs to be dealt with....

 i just do not have to like him very much while he's doing it....right?

  keeping the Faith,
Fat Diva

Obstacles...blargh

Day 2 recap: April 2 was not a hard day, i even went grocery shopping hungry and got only what I needed...go me. Nothing much else other than did my measurements, which I do not have here with me, and tried to clean out some clutter in the cupboards.

Day 3- For those who do not know, I have suffered from migraines since I was 17. And as we are n a Solar Maximum (Solar Cycle 24 for those who are paying attention) we had some CME bounce off the planet, triggering a nasty migraine for me, and a 6.7 earthquake for Indonesia...yay...so I was in bed all of Day 3 and today, I am not right in the head.

Day 4 con't : Also..the most common obstacle to my healthy eating arose today in that I had to sell my SSHE food to a customer who ordered later than Thursday via the website, and our corp office was SOLD OUT as of Saturday...so I got screwed.

It is when I am starved out of my mind that I become Bad Choices Bitch.

Thus...I am crabby.

And so it begins....

Ok..so...I have a sort of mad plan...it may not be my best laid plan...but here we go

I am glad of my connection to Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating because that makes a bunch of this next 90 days a WHOLE lot easier. www.seattlesutton.com

SO ..the dealio for the first 30 days is to stick as close to the SSHE 1200 plan with supplementing extra protein and all the fresh raw fruit and veggie I can handle. Enter my new Greek Yogurt addiction, my vitamins and meal replacement supplement for the enzyme and probotics part of the deal..but that aspect enters after first 30 days. So all in all shooting for 1550 calories per day average.

staying away from all things processed food I can...FIE ON YOU EVIL VENDING MACHINE IN THE BREAKROOM!!!!...and yes I am talking to YOU Keebler Strawberry Sugar Wafers...you and your artifically flavored fat-tastic laden goodness will just have to piss off for a long while...bastards..

where was I ...oh...and waterwaterwater...as I know the chronic dehydration has set in again after the winter. Was this the hardest winter known to Modern man? I think it was...blargh

The MOTION part of my adventure is my new walking dvd, and i am shooting for that 3x a week for half an hour. anything on top of that is bonus movement.

The next post will include stupid numbers like my weight, measurements as I told myself I had to throw it all out there as ugly as it could be...but I truly can not a wit, true be told dear reader, WHAT the numbers are..just that they change....for the better.

so...i am off to sleepyland...and tomorrow night Puddin will be over to help me purge the house a bit and get the space ready for the motion part of the plan..

go me!.