I AM the Tardis...for real?

Now first, let me pontificate how much work I am doing to keep myself in the Flow of all things Heart Minded (in a spiritual path/choice way) and that I am doing a LOT of deep breathing everyday so as to not go all Pele' on the masses asses.,.....seriously...DEEP as the fathomless ocean deep breathing......(sucks in the oxygen)....I am not always good at that...and mean people suck..

There is such a rush of words and emotions here...I hope Fat Diva can make some sense...I will tangent in pieces, then in swift non-sequitur Eddie Izzard fashion, I PROMISE I will tie it all back together in relevance..and hopefully with liberal doses of genius humor as the Great Eddie does.

Much of my life has been spent in the "above average" in all things..in height, in size, in energy, in voice, in laughter, in rage, in chaos, in drama, in sadness.......I.Am.Epic...to say the least.

AND...I have recently..through my spiritual work....come to realize ...if you can believe it ....I have been living my life veryverytinysmall...for fear of being TOO much of Everything and thus make others around me uncomfortable or sad,jealous,enraged, <insert other adjectives here infinitude...fuck yes... it is a real word>

This was a revolution of thought for me...It had been mentioned to me in the not so distant past..(thank you friends..you know who you are)..but it is one thing to have folks share, speak wisdom, and outside observations of you TO you...but to internally have your  "eureka/holy FUCK" moment....yeah..that is when shit gets real....really fast.

So ...in discovering that ..hmmm..perhaps my world is as fubared as it is in many places, especially the Self Love/Body love area...because I am living my life way way too small and that ..oh  maybe..just MAYbe...I have manifested this Fat Diva Meat Suit for the 3rd dimensional proof that I am one of the finest alchemists this Universe has ever seen...I mean..shit..Look how FABULOUS A MESS I MADE... this manifested reality is chaos...and...I did that!

AND if I ACTUALLY lived my life FULLY ...then anything I want to do is MORE than possible...by living LARGE...like cosmos large....

and....(loves me the conjunction-junctions) in denying myself the Self Love I have not allowed...and by worrying that others would dislike me being all bright and shiny ... I created exactly what I loathed would happen all those thousands of journal pages ago..

Wow.. I am good. Right?

Now the task of learning how to be as bright big shiny and Massive as I AM...and better understanding how and why I store my energy the way I do.

There is just not really and EASY button for this Human living thing, is there?...I know I know...we all came here to experience the ride...I hear you, I get it...now...to apply the principles..back to school I go...

I know some may observed this thought process as some Eckhart Tolle- New -Agey -Laws of Attraction-Crappy -Crap...and if you do...that's fine...and if it makes you feel uncomfortable.....

Good. Suck it....with a side of Love...

word.


EDIT: NO FRAKIN WAY...I AM THE TARDIS...HE SAID SO
THIS was my Free Will Astrology horoscope by Rob Breznsy's from the week of Feb 12 2015

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning February 12
Copyright 2015 by Rob Brezsny 
http://FreeWillAstrology.com

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In the TV science-fiction show *Doctor Who,* 
the title character lives in a time machine that is also a spaceship. It's 
called a Tardis. From the outside, it appears to be barely bigger than a 
phone booth. But once you venture inside, you find it's a spacious 
chateau with numerous rooms, including a greenhouse, library, 
observatory, swimming pool, and karaoke bar. This is an excellent 
metaphor for you, Scorpio. Anyone who wants your love or friendship 
must realize how much you resemble a Tardis. If they don't understand 
that you're far bigger on the inside than you seem on the outside, it's 
unlikely the two of you can have a productive relationship. This Valentine 
season, as a public service, make sure that everyone you're seriously 
involved with knows this fact.