So...last week at this time, I was doing my Fat Diva thing, working the live -long-day...and from the moment I awoke..was sure I was not in my meat suit correctly...as if my left leg was twisted a bit...and I was dizzy and spacey, and my heart was fluttering a lot.
a lot a lot.
read some interwebs pages, did some meditations, made some calls to some peeps..all the while
S-----L-----O-----W-----L-----Y------ sliding into a kind of hysteria...while still servicing my customers and making the day go.
and looking into what it feels like for women to have a heart attack...which I was not completely convinced was NOT happening...
as the work-a-day moved on...the hysteria and weepy started clawing it's way into my fore-brain and by the end of the work day...at 730pm..i was fetal on the floor of my store, sobbing and rocking back and forth like a wee-bairn...thinking..this is it..I am going to die here.
Enter the beautiful Empress and she came and smudged me down, grounded me. and held my hand as she explained to me
"You are having an intense panic attack, dearheart. Just breathe and ride it out"
HOLY CRAP, dear readers....what an awful thing. I am sure there are more awful things than that medically to experience, but as a migraine sufferer..with spine structural issues...i have a pretty deep threshold for pain...this...this was a brain chemistry bomb going off in my embassy of Being.
boo boo boooooooooooo
So, after Empress assured me that the thing I needed the most was lots of water and deep sleep, she took Fat Diva home and I crawled ..literally..into bed and slept like the dead for nearly 12 hours.
And on Wed, I decided to walk 4 industrial blocks at sunset and enjoyed the summer breeze, ate a nectarine and drank some water during, and just curled my toes in the grass for a while...sucking wind toward the end...but I did it..
now..the task is preventing any future brain chem bombs and entering into some peace treaty talks...cuz I am not interested in any meds, despite the joy and relief they have brought dearhearts I love..i just have to figure out something to unravel all this dross in a different way.
Those of you who deal with these regularly...I am so sorry...and hope you find the healing you need.
So onward and upward I trailblaze..hoping to find the strength to make a difference for me.
Blessings peeps...be careful out there.