Dross, Dross and more Dross

Hey dear readers...jsut a short blurb of Fat Diva's shenanegains...

I am in acute adrenal fatigue...

yep...... I figured out why I have been so sick..at least part of it...also need to give up gluten...which sucks, but have done it before...but is a process on its own..so I am sleeping...alot

alot alot alot

 I am using the energy of this Mercury Retrograde in my Sun Sign of Scorpio to look at patterns, jettison lots of dross...did  I mention alot?

like epic shit tons of alot...epic epic epic...

so I will come up for air here and there, but know I am am kicking the stuff out that does not work..and I expect a few pounds will release as well..becasue we all know.. our emotional and mental body feeds our physical one..and all layers need a serious enema or cosmic colonic


how about you? if you do not deal with it now...it will literally kill you..and I love you you..so don't die...ok?

check it out..

Cosmic Path website

later peeps...get it done

love
Fat Diva

A Deep Field

There are so many times in my day, that I struggle to push through such dross of ennui and bullshit I have built up around myself...it is hard sometimes just trying to remember to breathe...

We all do this..our inner mind chatter is the most icky Gumdrop Swamp to overcome...we fight it.... every second....of every hour....etc.etc...

Lately..I have been suffering from acute insomnia...and have figured out I am in a state of adrenal fatigue.

It's my own fault and not asking for sympathy or anything..I have made the mess, now I am cleaning it up...but as I have been up late, I have been looking at the stars a lot.

Growing up on a farm in Northern MN, I spent an enormous amount of time gazing at the stars...and in moving to the city, there is not nearly enough sky to look at with the city lights pollution obscuring it ..

 I am reminded these late nights ...that the world we make for ourselves daily...is so, so small. We THINK that our world (s) are these big creations of epic-ness that contain the sum of all our parts..our hopes, dreams, passions, families, loves, hates, struggles, failures...and fears... mostly...lots of fears.

Many times I find myself stopping from thinking  'bigger"..and trust me ...I am a BIG BIG BIG picture person...and I wonder why I do that..... aside from being afraid.

I have written in the past about how tired I am of keeping myself smaller so others are more comfortable, and yet it is not so easy to own my "bigness"...I am working on it.. this is very deep deep work because it means taking myself down to the nub and rebuilding ...becoming  WHO I am as opposed to who I THINK I am...and that is a long transformational journey.

These days...as it is harder to stay in the deep work...I am looking at the stars more...so I remind myself that the 'bigness" is out there..and that the crazy things like this photo that the Hubble telescope took..is a TINY quantum fraction of the night sky...and contains thousands of GALAXIES with in that sliver of sky...and that regardless of the fears I am facing in mastering my Epicness...that there is more than enough room in the vast cosmos to hold space for me to be as BIG as I can imagine....


so...hey..... look up at night....it's all out there for you......and remember....that we are all made of stars....

Loves
Fat Diva

Sadly.... not like Bull...

I used to be very strong.

Physically....

I have had folks move furniture with me and freak out when I have lifted bookcases, dressers,my end of the futon/bed and they say "Whoa! Holy crap you are freakishly strong!"

Fat Diva recently got herself into a swimming pool at the end of Aug and beginning of Sept (see a fore mentioned HOT-ness in the Midwest belch of that time period)

It was great. I love to swim. Grew up on lake resort in WI and swimming a the time...I am indeed a mermaid and or whale like creature.

Once in the water...good luck getting me out....like...seriously...good luck.

Sadly, the modern tub is not a joy for my Divaness nor my Berserker Viking  DNA height...so...lots and lots of shower time.....lots..

Water....it is medicine to me..and I had realized that first swim, that I had not submerged myself in a large body of water since the Gulf when in Mexico in June 2010...what? that is just not right...

So..there I was, working out in the pool...3 hours one day, 2 hours the next week...and then it was discovered....that fact that...

I am no longer freakishly strong....not at.all.

I figure, my life the last 7 years has resulted in a loss of at least 35% of the muscle mass of my legs....and that is me being kind to myself.

I was BLOWN away..."what.. what is all this...jiggly stuff ??? " (yay water for it's illuminating anti gravity skills). WHERE ARE MY LEGS??

No wonder the lungs have been in revolt and the tiredness etc.

So.. we know how to do this..it will be hard...but we have the data to correct it..

I have sussed out a place to go swim without it being a meat market of weirdness and shame,. and it is far to expensive to access as a full gym...but I found a joyous place for healing in the water.

I am looking forward to a winter of warm pool therapy access and some deep water resistance training.

It will take a few years to regain what I lost, but the shock of it being gone was a very huge bonus to my system.

And water brings me such joy, so it is not really like excersise..

not really...

Hope you are smacked with revelations this Fall, dear readers... Mercury goes retrograde in Scorpio on Oct 21- Nov 10, 2013

If you  have no idea what that means...see links below.

Perfect Cosmic help in cleaning out the dross and letting go at the time of the Bone Mother as we approach the New Year (Samhain) If  you do not know what any of that means...Google and Wikipedia are your friends

We all have deep inner work to look to...and get it done. Time is of the essence...even when you bend it , like I do.

A Ho,

Fat Diva

Mercury Retrograde info

Great Astrology site

Fat Diva's Inferno

So...my store is 106 degrees today. I am sitting in pools of sweat..which is SUPER awesome for my customers and I to be a part of...but the brutality of the heat here in the upper Midwest is crushing us all like wee bugs.

So today"s blog will be short as I am sticking to everything...>BLECH!!

But today is about being fierce in spite of everyone and everything Life lobs at you.

This is fierce

Let it be known..... fat Russian ballerinas are the epitome of fierce....

If they can do that, I can sit here in 106 degrees and do my mojo and whine a bit less.

What can you whine a bit less about today?

Be fierce, I dare you.

Love and "it's too hot to touch hugs from a distance"

Fat Diva

Having My World Rocked....

So yesterday, as I was about to head out on a consult for a wedding of some friends...I was gifted with a blog article  that stunned me like a smack across the face.

I am not going to share it here..I might later..but the jist of it was a public apology/ open letter from a woman who had worked in the diet industry, and she was apologizing to her former clients. Apologizing for her 'helping" them with their weight issues through the program/product/employer she was working for/with.

As I sat outside waiting for my ride,my cheek still smarting from the  "Pay attention, Fat Diva" blow from the Universe....I read the article/letter and began to cry as I processed what it said, so plainly and raw.

I am still internally weighing how I feel about the blog, and my reaction to it...as my Being is actually still percolating a reaction to it.

needless to say...it was a game changer in so many things in Fat Diva Land...so many things.

I can choose to see it as the clarification I have been asking for...as Fabeku Fatunmise would say.."my BOOM!"....

or I can choose to work to strike a balance with the information I am digesting, and how I choose to do business in the health and wellness industry...

or I can rage against the machine and pound my fist bloody, hoping to be heard...

or I can just ignore it all and continue enjoying this lovely tasting sand....

or I can run away screaming as if I am fire...

which ever the outcome......mindfulness is most assuredly needed in moving forward.

I am sorry to be vague and cryptic...it is all just too fragile to see the light of day ...partially formed and vulnerable..

stay tuned, peeps...and remember to open your heart and your Inner Ears to the Universe talking to you...cuz it is loving you all the time....even when you can not tell.

Pax, may we find lots of it soon
Love-Fat Diva

well....that was interesting....

So...last week at this time, I was doing my Fat Diva thing, working the live -long-day...and from the moment I awoke..was sure I was not in my meat suit correctly...as if my left leg was twisted a bit...and I was dizzy and spacey, and my heart was fluttering a lot.


a lot a lot.

read some interwebs pages, did some meditations, made some calls to some peeps..all the while
S-----L-----O-----W-----L-----Y------ sliding into a kind of hysteria...while still servicing my customers and making the day go.

and looking into what it feels like for women to have a heart attack...which I was not completely convinced was NOT happening...

as the work-a-day moved on...the hysteria and weepy started clawing it's way into my fore-brain and by the end of the work day...at 730pm..i was fetal on the floor of my store, sobbing and rocking back and forth like a wee-bairn...thinking..this is it..I am going to die here.

Enter the beautiful Empress and she came and smudged me down, grounded me. and held my hand as she explained to me

"You are having an intense panic attack, dearheart. Just breathe and ride it out"

HOLY CRAP, dear readers....what an awful thing. I am sure there are more awful things than that medically to experience, but as a migraine sufferer..with spine structural issues...i have a pretty deep threshold for pain...this...this was a brain chemistry bomb going off in my embassy of Being.

boo

boo boo boooooooooooo

So, after Empress assured me that the thing I needed the most was lots of water and deep sleep, she took Fat Diva home and I crawled ..literally..into bed and slept like the dead for nearly 12 hours.

And on Wed, I decided to walk 4 industrial blocks at sunset and enjoyed the summer breeze, ate a nectarine and drank some water during, and just curled my toes in the grass for a while...sucking wind toward the end...but I did it..

yay me!

now..the task is preventing any future brain chem bombs and entering into some peace treaty talks...cuz I am not interested in any meds, despite the joy and relief they have brought dearhearts I love..i just have to figure out something to unravel all this dross in a different way.

Those of you who deal with these regularly...I am so sorry...and hope you find the healing you need.

So onward and upward I trailblaze..hoping to find the strength to make a difference for me.

Blessings peeps...be careful out there.

"Et tu, Brute?"

People.

Some say...ya gotta love them. Really? Do I, really?

Hmmm.. I know deep in my heart ....I do. Love them, that is. Goddess bless me, but I have to.

But when I say "them" I REEEEALLLY need to include myself in that pronoun of generality....right?

Self -love...it is a tough card for me. And it gets even harder when I read the Mass Media bullshit headlines, blogs, and sound bytes of the daily grind.....

Thank Goddess I have a wondrous support system and we have the interwebs to connect us all to our tribe- at- large..(that's punny!)

But seriously......I am raising a red flag, or better yet...an upside down American flag of distress here today...and waving it wildly in the air...

I grow more and more alarmed everyday at the Fascists and corporate overlords who are buying up everything and everyone.... waging this VERY OPEN- VERY PUBLIC campaign of extreme hatred against fat people.

Are we ...the fat people...going to have to hold festivals to honor and celebrate our "UN-conformity" and wage a right's battle on Capital Hill and in legislation everywhere...just to have a right to exist? Or are we just getting crucified and shoved into some trains soon...and taken to a hot place..??

Cuz....I will cut a bitch...and bastard...equally...no prejudice required.... and so will my peeps...

In regards to the Shakespearean quote of "Et tu, Brute?"...I cite this in reference not to the suggestion that Caesar was saying to Brutus..."You ass, I thought you had my back...fucker"...but in the interpretation that is more akin to  "Hey Brutus (also translated means dull or stupid in Latin)...you're next....asshat."

The current social/economic climate looks to be trending hard that way. If I were not so angry, it would scare the POOP right out of me...and some might say.."Hey Fat Diva, that is great because ya know...you would weigh less " and I say to those people.

Shut. your. pieholes.

And just wait until Obama Care kicks in....... Fatties?... start prepping for Fatpocalypse...

We live in a world here in the Western cultures, where we are fed food that has ZERO nutrition, is messed with by untried and tested "science" (looking at you GMO asshatery...stop fucking with the bees....and everything else) that is driven by MEGAcorporations that wish to reap (rape) the money from us while feeding us sawdust...yes, dear reader.... and soon Soylent Green is people...you watch...we are already allowing this to happen to our farm animals...and then we get the BigPharma telling us we are fat because we LACK the willpower to OBVIOUSLY stop stuffing our faces with crap food that is filled with fat, salt, fake sugar (but at LEAST it is low fat, thank JeeBus)  and...yes.. soon that added flavor of people (see above)..and THEN...insult upon injury... the MASS (funny that word used to describe them)  media enforces that we feel like shit about ourselves because we can not live life up to, or be like, the .000000008 % of the Beautiful Cool Kids we see AIRBRUSHED (who are secretly sucking down Epsom salt to stay thin)... in any media bytes we are watching...sadly CHOOSING to watch......so we get depressed ....which makes us do what? you got it!... eat more crap from Big Agra and then go to the Dr, INC ....who treats us like muck beneath his shoe because we require "the big cuff " to check the blood pressure..then we EAT more drugs he gives us (isn't that his job...drug pusher for the overlords? or am I mistaken?) because SHOCKINGLY....can you believe it?  We are fucking depressed......so to top that joyful ride off...we then go outside in Social Land...wher the "people" are... and enjoy the sweet privilege of being shamed by EVERYONE because we obviously can not CONTROL ourselves in the snacks aisle and now " YOU PEOPLE are going to cost the tax payers of this country BILLIONS of dollars in health care costs because YOU ARE A LOSER.....and just can not stop eating EVERYTHING!"

(pause)

(screaming aloud)....ARE>YOU>FUCKING>KIDDING>ME?


GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so so angry. In case you missed that factoid...I am.

And working in the world of heath and wellness, I see the results of this Ride TO Hell on the faces and souls of my customers..who just want to live their lives, raise their babies, and be happy.

Yes, many of us have made choices that effect our fattness ...and shit, even called that into being.....Talk to me about Journeys down dark roads and finding our broken selves again, then being brave enough to love all the pieces as a whole..but that is another blog..

.in the meantime...

How do you even DARE be happy and be fat?

Even when you work toward becoming healthier...which is subjective and unique to each soul on the planet...(I am fat..and pretty damn healthy for where I am at...) fat folks are kicked and spit on the entire way they are trying to walk their walk...people driving by in cars while we are out exercising ....and they ...the "people"....feel it is their God- Given -Right  to share their opinion, good or bad..on what we are doing, or eating in a restaurant, or shopping for clothes..

WAIT...daydream time!! (dooddlydoodoodlydoodoodlydoo)

Imagine..... if I just decided to inform every parent I saw in my daily life about my opinion about them choosing to raise 3-6+ kids in a world where resources are unequally distributed amongst the peoples of the World,  and how offended I am they they can not "say no" to sex, and how they OBVIOUSLYdo not use contraceptives. I tell them ...please!  spare the world 3+ more of your entitled, bratty kids who always are ripping shit they did not buy off the retail shelves I am trying to stock..I ask them.."DO you live on a farm? Do you need these kids to work the land, or go work in the factory while you sit at home and dream of other places to screw your spouse so you can remain addicted to the rush of hormones you feel while pregnant...? because you seriously can not love the having kids part when you let them run a muck and annoy everyone trying to shop."....imagine a world where I could say that..

(Reality returns) But you can tell me  "maybe I should have a salad instead of an entree as you casually walk by my restaurant table, where I am minding my own business and enjoying the company of friends? And think I will not hear you when you say it under your breath? Really?...FUCK YOU.

Fat Prejudiced is ACCEPTED and ENCOURAGED BY EVERYONE.

Now....tell me how long YOU could withstand that shit and be successful in healing your self..mind -body and spirit...cuz guess what Dr -Wanna -Be-God-sauces....and Peoples Who are Hating Themselves and Have To Take It Out On Fatties...

.....it-is-all-connected

read this article..yes it is a MMS thing...shhh

I hope that other sane folks who feel this trend is dangerous and alarming start to speak up and ask the questions, and DEMAND answers....."How do we stop the madness?.."What the hell?" "We have to end this " etc" ...at least for the sake of the damn children....please Jee Bus...and all Holy Beings everywhere...we .no wait.. as the pronoun earlier cited....."they"...the "peoples"  have gone MAD....MADDD!!!
..send the Ezekiel Wheels....HURRY!

I am ready.

 I have always known I would most likely leave this world on fire, strapped to a pole..and I am at peace with fighting to the death for my beliefs and for the sake of others I believe in...the question I ask you, dearest reader is...look to your own life and it's habits and desires....are you real with yourself about what is happening?...not just to fat people, but things that CONTINUE to happen to folks who are maybe not like you,believe like you,  look like you, think like you..?.

Are you next? Cuz we are there....we are already there...and divide and conquer is very much forefront on the minds of those who would oppress us..

I leave you to ponder with the words from our not -so- distant past...



First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.
Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.

~ Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

 Be Mindful your words, your thoughts, your deeds, and Be the change you want to see in the World...I am working on that myself...

Thanks for reading, peeps..Fat Diva is off to prep for battle...what are YOU doing?